I have no idea why people make such a big deal out of it. And then they start asking you why and they’re like, “Aww, is it because no one asked you out?” Um, no…but yes. That’s the slightly depressing thing about school dances; you miss out on getting asked in some extremely creative, flattering way that will completely eclipse any awkward rishta proposal you will ever receive.
But I’ve never understood prom. Maybe it’s because I’m Indian and I don’t get the culture. Maybe it’s because I’m awkward I suck at being a teenager. But I just don’t get it. You get all dressed up and shell out all this money on a dress you’ll only wear once and freak out if everything isn’t just perfect. I mean, it’s prom, not your wedding. Who cares if your date’s tie doesn’t match your dress?
What I really don’t get is how parents let their kids rent a cabin for the night so they can all…you know what. My mother would kill me if I went anywhere near a boy. Why would anyone in their right mind give their child the opportunity to….do that? Don’t even get me started on the garters. Astaghfirullah.
But what I really don’t get is all the spray tanning. Half the senior class is now orange. Some of them are even brown. Like, burnt cookie brown. It’s frightening. Why on earth would you think that even looks good?
And just so we’re clear, yes, I am bitter. I want the dress and the makeup and the date. I want the full high school experience. But so what?
No, I am not going to some crappy school dance just so I can awkwardly sit at a table not-dancing, and wondering why I spent half my college fund on a dress I’ll only wear once. No sir. Not me. While all of you biatches are losing your dignity (among other things) on the dance floor, I will be spending my night with Leonardo DiCaprio and Toby MacGuire. That’s right, I’m going to be watching The Great Gatsby that night instead. Be jealous.
Moral of the story: Why go to prom when you can party with Gatsby?