I have never understood Christian holidays. Especially since everything has become a gift-giving holiday, but nothing confuses me more than Easter. If someone would be kind enough to explain it to me, I’d be more than happy to listen. But for now, here’s what I just don’t understand.
Jesus “died for our sins” on the cross, yes? Okay. Cool. But what does any of that have to do with the Easter Bunny? Why do Christians think every holiday needs a mascot to bring you gifts? I mean, on Christmas a fat bearded old man sneaks into your house via chimney and eats your cookies, on Valentine’s Day a fat baby in a diaper shoots you in the butt with an arrow (yes I know its not a religious holiday but I’m tryna make a point), and on Easter a giant bunny hops around in your yard while you’re sleeping and leaves you chocolate. Now let me tell you something, I’ve got bunnies leaving “chocolate” in my yard every day but ain’t no way in hell I’m getting anywhere near it.
On a related note, what on earth is the correlation between a giant creepy rabbit and EGGS!?? In what world do rabbits have anything to do with eggs? This has been confusing me for years and I’ve never gotten any explanation. And while we’re on the subject, what’s with the delicious yet terrifyingly anatomically correct chocolate bunnies? Not only does the Easter Bunny leave chocolate but he’s also made of chocolate? But if he’s bringing you chocolate then why would you eat him? And if you eat him –or his little friends for that matter– then what makes you think he’s going to want to bring you more chocolate next year? I just don’t understand the point in consuming the thing that brings you chocolate.
It’s a metaphor, see. You put the chocolate giving thing between your teeth and then you bite its head off so it knows who’s boss.
High five for poorly thought out references to a book I never read
The last thing that I just don’t understand is WHY EASTER CREAM EGGS ARE A THING. I can’t eat those. They are awful and I hate Cadburry and it all just needs to go away and its a taste that you can never un-taste. But I end up eating one every year anyway just cuz it’s there.
Moral of the story: Don’t take candy from strangers, but always take candy from bunnies.