Anecdotes from my weekend

I don’t know.

On Friday I discovered the heavenly, and embarrassingly scandalous, lyrical genius of Beyonce’s latest album. I’m obsessed with the song Partition, and as someone who absentmindedly sings while doing things around the house, my current worst fear is getting caught singing “he Monica Lewinskied all over my gown” at the top of my lungs. Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up, and we ain’t even gonna make it to this club.

I went to the masjid with my family on Saturday (great segue, I know. …I’m so going to hell.) and once again, I found myself struggling to wrap my scarf properly. Most of the people who go to that masjid are Arab, and maybe its just me but I feel like Arab women are notorious for their impeccable hijab-wrapping skills. So of course I walk into the women’s section and see all these very proper, neatly done hijabs with the nice pins and then I realize my bangs are showing and my entire scarf is coming undone. I would like to blame this on my oddly-shaped head. Cuz I have an oddly-shaped head. I inherited it from my dad. That is all.

And today I went for a bike ride on an empty stomach and learned two things: 1) I forgot how to ride a bike; turning was awful and wobbly and I tried to brake by backpedaling but my bike has hand brakes and I crashed 2) do not go bike riding on an empty stomach its a bad idea. I went twice around the block, only to find out later from my mother that our block is one mile around. I went around twice. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot but I never exercise. Like ever. And I went 2 miles in like 10 minutes (I have no idea if that’s a good time for bike riding but I run a 15 minute mile so whatever). Also, my stupid bike was in “Low” gear, which apparently makes it extra tough and by the end of the second mile I thought I was gonna die. That’s a really embarrassing way to die. Death by moderate exercise.

Moral of the story: Awkward Muslim Girl is awkward and Muslim.

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