Things that bother me

Does My Disinterest in Sex Offend You?

In my Gender and Women’s Studies class, we were discussing the topic of sex tourism. This girl was explaining the concept to me very politely, while her male friend sat between us and listened. If you are unfamiliar with sex tourism, it is commodification of having a sexual experience with an “exotic” partner. Sorta. Basically its going to a different country specifically to have sex with people of a certain race or culture, and the attraction is based on stereotypes of people from that region. This was a new concept to me. And apparently my confusion was evident on my face because the guy sitting next to me immediately called me out on it.

I can’t remember exactly what he said, but he basically asked why I had a problem with it, and wasn’t I aware that people do this? Why does this bother you? Except he sounded very angry about it. He was practically yelling at me. No, I wasn’t fully aware of it, and no, I didn’t have a problem with it. Do I have my own reservations about doing such a thing? Yes. But am I going to call anyone out for sex tourism? No. That’s none of my business. The bigger issue here that I didn’t even need to say anything to provoke him. He misread my facial expression and thought it was his place to interject. I literally hadn’t said a word to him before he began interrogating me.

I’m not sure if he spoke up because he was being defensive, as if I had insulted him, or if he was trying to make me feel bad for being uncomfortable talking about sex, which I had yet to outwardly say. Either way, he put me on the spot for having an opinion I hadn’t even voiced yet, because it bothered him THAT MUCH.

One of the current issues in our generation is that people think we need to be more accepting of others’ lifestyles. I agree. I won’t tell you its wrong that you’re gay and I won’t tell you its wrong that  you’re atheist or Christian and I won’t tell you that’s it wrong that you flaunt your sexuality. That’s your business. But I’d appreciate it if you returned the favor. There’s this big movement about not making sex a big deal, and how we shouldn’t be shamed for being sexual. But on the flip side, don’t shame me for not being sexual.

Do not make me feel bad just because I’m uncomfortable discussing sex.

Do not make me feel bad for covering my eyes when I don’t want to look at a penis during a movie.

Do not make me feel bad for not conforming to your standards and your views on sex.

How can you expect me to be accepting of your views when you don’t even respect mine? I’m not sorry that I don’t want to look at the screen during the documentary where native people are hardly covered up. I am not muttering under my breath about how they they should put some clothes on, or how they’re all whores. I’m whispering Astaghfirullah and I’m averting my eyes and that’s it. My visible discomfort is not an attack on your rights. You want to feel accepted for your choices in the same way that I’d like to be accepted for mine.

So please, please, explain to me why this offends you.

6 thoughts on “Does My Disinterest in Sex Offend You?

  1. All I can say is impressive writeup. The problem with “freedom of expressionists” as I call them, is that they never truly want to represent everyone. Instead, they somehow created this imaginary committee that can pick and choose what is ok to express and what isn’t. Just like the charlie-lovers and how they never question the fact that “antisemitism” is a big no no there while islamophobia is totally ok.

    Another example: As a Muslim living in the west, I regularly observe this “movement” if you will, that attempts to “naturalize” homosexuality. While I have no issue with whatever anyone likes to do behind closed-doors, I am completely against trying to shove-it-down-my-throat (excuse the pun) with things like portraying it (almost forcefully) in every work of drama, TV-programming, or even in the streets in those so-called “pride parades”. While I am often expressing this opinion regardless of others’ reactions, I can see how someone else would be uncomfortable sharing this sentiment in public, due to this double-standard in “freedom of expression”.


    1. Exactly. They support whatever is convenient for them and act offended when someone disagrees. Another problem I’ve noticed is that people become “faux activists” because fighting for rights and “equality” is trendy and cool. The problem is that they blindly support whatever they want despite being incredibly uninformed.

      As far as your views on homosexuality, I understand where you’re coming from, however I wouldn’t go so far as to say gay representation is being shoved down my throat. Maybe its because I’m not as sensitive to it. And as far as I know, we’re in an era where every minority (desi, asian, african american etc.) Claims to be underrepresented. So yes, the media is trying to normalize it. Just as they are normalizing strong black female leads, and and Hispanic culture. Now, I know you don’t have a problem seeing black women in positions of power in real life, and I know you have nothing against hispanic americans, or asian americans, and I am sure you wouldn’t go up to a gay person in real life and tell them to stop being so gay in you presence.

      The way I see it is that if we act like any particular group does not exist, then they have an excuse to completely erase Muslims from the media, just because they might not want Islam shoved down their throats. But the idea here is that if we support the normalizing of ALL people, then maybe one day ISLAM will also be normalized, which is what we want.

      Sorry if it came off as too blunt but that’s just how i see it. But thanks for your input!


  2. PREACH. You said it. Thank you. Every time I read your posts I’m like – yes. Somebody understands, thank god. And like WonderW said, it’s so difficult to even point out why you think their ideologies are wrong because it’s the norm and the rest of the world thinks its as right as human rights and it’s so so difficult when our very morals are so different. Thanks for this post.


  3. Well it seems he got offended, because he ASSUMED you would deem it as something lowly for the human race, thus he proved his own guilty consciousness at your silence.


  4. I’ve never heard of that… Till now. Meaning it obviously isn’t such a casual thing, he shouldn’t interrogate or expect of you like so.
    Also, we can’t tell people that these things are wrong because it’s deemed a ‘norm’ in this society, but I don’t agree, and in our societies our values are different, but we tolerate and leave them to their ideologies.. Don’t stress about these people sis, you turned the tables in this post for sure!! Xxo


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