My Awkwardness

Really belated post about new years from my drafts

I haven’t posted anything in a long time. BUT I’ve been ranting and answering questions on tumblr, so like, check me out, maybe?

I hope you all had a good new years. I spent mine in a blanket fort with teddy bears and leftover pasta. It was fantastic. That’s not sarcasm, that’s just my idea of a good time. Anyway, 2014 kinda…sucked. And I will openly admit that it sucked only because of the horrible decisions that I made and I had the power to make it better blah blah blah. I feel like I learned a lot about myself this year. To be honest, I learn a lot about myself every year. I think that’s kinda the point of being young, I guess. But every year I think I’m as smart and evolved as I can get, and that I know everything myself and the world, and that the year is going to be GREAT. And every stinking year I realize how wrong I am.

These “epiphanies” started my senior year of high school. I think that was when I was finally getting more mature and not so oblivious to everything around me. When I was 17 I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I was super smart, and I was going to go to a great university, because community college is for losers and I was going to major in pharmacy and everything was going to go so smoothly. HA! By the end of the school year I’d gained eight pounds, was on my way to developing an anxiety problem, and somehow let my mom talk me into a major I knew nothing about.

When I turned 18 I decided that everyone around me was stupid and annoying and college wasn’t so hard. I thought I was ready for the real world and big city life was great and I totally knew how to plan a proper course schedule. And then I realized I don’t know the first thing about business, and life kinda sucks, and I should stop taking advice from my mother, and yes, I do in fact have an anxiety problem.

Which brings us to the current year. I’m 19 now. Currently I am under the impression that I finally know everything there is to know. And by that I mean that I’ve reached the understanding that I understand NOTHING. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know how to get where I’m going, and I’ve changed my life plan SO. MANY. TIMES.

But, yesterday my sister said something that made me think:

I’ve got to start living in the present if I even want to consider living in the future

My sister and I have always been very “future oriented” people. Not necessarily ambitious or driven, but I’ve always had a good idea about where I wanna end up. For some reason i was under the impression that I’d just magically get there. I kinda had a “wake me up when I graduate” attitude about it. I thought I could b.s. my way through business school even though I didn’t understand it, but that didn’t turn out so well.

I realized that I couldn’t potentially spend my whole life doing a job I hated. And I realized there was something else I was really interested in. So…now I’m starting over. This year I’m majoring in nutrition, attempting to get over my social anxiety, and trying to keep myself busy. Lets see how this goes.

Moral of the story: have low expectations

4 thoughts on “Really belated post about new years from my drafts

  1. What’s your tumblr? I love your blog btw, and it’d be a pleasure to see you update more often. I just started college too(but I’m going to community college…awkward), so it’d be amazing if you wrote more about that. I absolutely loved your being an adult is tough post. Much love ❤


    1. Awww thank you! Lol I’m going to community college this year too (gotta bring up my gpa –whoops) . I’ll definitely be writing more on that. My tumblr is its mostly full of puppies and food feminism 😉 thanks for reading!


  2. ahhhh !!! I’m so glad that you changed your major and are finally doing something that you really like because that’s going to make you feel ten times better and more confident and don’t worry, you will reach your point of success and it’ll be great and you will be great and you ARE great ~<3

    good things will come your way, m'friend. I can feel it "IN MY BONES, ENOUGH TO MAKE MY SYSTEM GO, WELCOME TO THE NEW AGE" ahem. sorry.

    I miss you.


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