After graduation I thought I’d indulge in some well-deserved rest and relaxation before trying to find a job. Everyone was telling me to take some time off before I inevitably work until I die. Well, it’s been two months and now I’m bored out of my mind.
I think the most alarming thing is that once I finally started applying to jobs a couple weeks ago, I found out all the good jobs were taken, and more importantly, I’m not even qualified to work a cash register.
That is not a joke. It’s mind-boggling how “entry-level” jobs require 3-5 years of experience. Worse than that, most of the internships I would need to get experience are unpaid and only for current students. So I’m…stuck.
What am I supposed to do now?
Honestly, I still don’t know what I want to do for a living. I’ve never seen myself as the type of person who could work 9-5 in a cubicle every day. I need to do something creative.
I’ve been doing freelance videography and photography off and on over the past four years, but nothing substantial. If I really hustled and pushed myself, I could have turned it into a real business. I’m not the be-my-own-boss type, though. As much as I think I can take initiative and produce good work, I’m just not aggressive enough to market myself.
I’ve got a crippling fear of rejection. I think that’s why I hate applying to jobs.
Everything has always come easy to me. I’m a fast learner, I could always get by in school without studying, and I’ve always been a good writer. Teachers were always impressed with me. Things always came easy to me. And whenever something was a little too hard or out of my wheelhouse, I just avoided it, because I could.
I avoided sports (I’m not athletic at all), clubs (I have social anxiety, but we all knew this already), and feigned disinterest in things that my friends were better at than me. I only pursued things that I was the best at. And in doing so, I convinced myself I was the best at everything.
Real talk, the reason I liked that Kim Possible movie so much was because it hit home a little too hard. I’m that girl that built her self-worth around being good at everything. And now I’m seeing everyone I went to school with get jobs and get married and move forward, and in my mind, they’re objectively “better” than me, and it’s rough, man. And to have someone look at the skills that I’ve been working on for most of my life and tell me I’m not “qualified”? It’s real rough. Sure I might be better at certain things than other kids in my class, but in the real world? I got nothing.
I know it’s stupid, but somehow I thought I’d leave college with great qualifications and find a great job in no time. Nothing ever goes the way I plan it, so I’m not sure why I’m so disheartened about not moving forward. It’s never as simple as moving forward. I think it’s more of a zig-zag pattern….Or maybe a loop de loop.
Nothing says “hire me” like a whole blog post explaining why I’m useless and poorly-adjusted.