My news feed is full of posts about marriage and love at the moment. I thought I’d weigh in.
Do I believe in love? Sure. Do I believe in love at first sight? Nope. I think you learn to love people. I know there are all these people who say they fell in love at first sight, but I think that’s bullshit. I believe you can have a very strong attraction to people at first sight, but not love.
I think love is too strong of a word. It gets thrown around too much between people. I hate how teenagers can date someone for two weeks and declare that they’re in love with them. Its stupid. They aren’t in love with them. They just really like them. They don’t know them well enough to love them. And then they get so upset when they break up. But then they move on like nothing happened.
Dating is stupid. As a free, totally not oppressed Muslim girl living in America, I can honestly say that I’m glad I will have an arranged marriage one day. I’ve never understood dating. Its just never made sense to me. Like, in middle school/high school/college people just date because they’re bored and they want temporary companionship. I think its an unnecessary waste of emotions.
Arranged marriages make so much more sense. You can basically find exactly what your looking for in a spouse thanks to “bio data.” And you can aim to be married by a certain age without sounding like an idiot. And it seems like a better deal for women cuz they don’t need to wait on some stupid guy to pop the question.
Every time I have to explain the whole “I don’t date because Muslims have arranged marriages” thing, their immediate response is “OMG I feel so bad for you that must suck!” And then I think, it really doesn’t suck. Because when I’m thirty I’ll be happily married with children and you’ll still be living in an apartment with a boyfriend who’s afraid of commitment.
At some point they always bring up the “love” thing. This might sound weird but I don’t care about being in love, at least not in the beginning. Like I said, I think you learn to love people. Plenty of my family members have had arranged marriages, and they’re happily married. And I’m pretty sure they weren’t “in love” when they first got engaged. But they married each other because they found someone that they could learn to love. To me, that makes a lot more sense than putting so much effort into several relationships without any prospect of marriage.
I understand that a lot of non-Muslims have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea of arranged marriage, but let me put it this way: an arranged marriage is when two adults who have decided that they are emotionally and financially ready for a committed, life long relationship, agree to marry each other and build a relationship based on shared values, attraction, compatibility, and the belief that they will grow to love each other if God wills it.
Moral of the story: dating is stupid. And haram.