Why? Because it fuels my inferiority complex.
I never used to be the type of person who wanted acceptance from other people. I had no desire to be one of the popular girls, or be the funny girl, or even have a ton of friends. And then Facebook happened. And then twitter. And then instagram. And now blogging. It’s all killing me inside.
It’s not that I want to be popular. At least not in real life. I couldn’t care less about how many people know me in real life. I don’t even like people. But for some reason I want them to like me. Well, not me as a person. I just want them to like my statuses. Or my pictures. Is that not messed up or what? I mean really. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t know a lot of people, but for some reason I feel like I should have hundreds of friends on Facebook and hundreds of twitter followers anyway. I want someone to favorite all my tweets and like all my statuses and I want thirty likes on all my instagram pictures. But why? I don’t even know why. I just start comparing myself to all the other people I follow and feel like I have to compete with them. But really no one even gives a damn.
Instagram makes me feel like if my selfies don’t get twenty likes that means I’m ugly.
Twitter makes me feel like if I don’t get any retweets I’m just annoying and I need to shut up.
Facebook makes me feel like no one cares enough to write on my wall or tag me in pictures.
I recently went through a social networking cleanse, but it didn’t help as much as I had hoped it would. I unfollowed all the people on twitter and instagram that I don’t know in real life or don’t actually like. And I decided to stop posting on instagram. And I hardly used facebook as it is. It made me feel a lot better at first, but then feelings all started to come back. Someone would post a really crappy picture and get double-digit likes, and I’d post a picture that I thought was at least a little better, and I’d get like, four likes. Or I’d go on Facebook and see pictures of my friends hanging out without inviting me. I mean really, it’s none of my business if they’re hanging out, but… It was this girl that I’ve known since freshman year. I threw her a freaking surprise party. And she didn’t even bother to tell me she was coming home for Halloween, but then posts pictures of her and our friends at her house. She’s my freaking neighbor for crying out loud. Of course I’m gonna feel left out. But I don’t want to feel like that anymore.
I have enough crap to worry about as it is. I don’t need to add my dwindling number of acquaintances to the list. So now I’m doing something a little more effective. I’m deleting my instagram and facebook. Twitter is the least of my worries at this point. I’ve considered deleting my blog on more than one occasion, but I like writing too much. It’s not my fault if other people don’t like it. But I think this will be good for me. At least I hope it will. I used to want to hang out with people or take pictures of things just to make it look or sound like I do interesting things. But if I’m not going to go out of my way to impress people in real life, why should I impress people I don’t know on the internet? I wasted too much time trying to take pictures of my food and not enough enjoying how it tasted. And I’ve wasted too much time trying to get the perfect sunset picture and not enough time enjoying watching it set. The thought of coming up with the perfect tweet (which no one payed attention to) or taking a picture at the perfect angle (which no one liked) stressed me out more than it should have. So now I’m done with that.
I’m not good at tweeting and I suck at taking pictures and I don’t have a lot friends…but no one needs to know that anymore. And even if they do, I’m not going to care about what they think of me. I’m only going to care about what I think of myself.
Moral of the story (woah we’re doing this again?!): This post was cheesy and slightly pathetic, but look at what social networking is doing to us. Ten years ago no one cared what your dinner looked like. Hell, even five years ago. And no one cared about your selfies. “Selfie” wasn’t even a word a few years ago. And as much as we consider these sites “social” networks, they’re making us pretty antisocial.