Does it ever just make you want to cry, to think that Allah has promised you something better? And you know its there, but you can’t see it, and you cant touch it, and until it reaches you, you’re fumbling around and making mistakes. And sometimes they’re big mistakes. And sometimes they’re small mistakes. And sometimes they pile up and you fall to your knees because you know you’re even farther away from your good thing than you were when you started.
And then you remember you made a promise to Him. And you crawl back to Him. And He’s there, just like He always is. And you feel it. You know He wants you to win. He’s on your side. And you’re ashamed, because you do this every time. You ignore Him, and you don’t listen to Him, and you think you’re doing fine and you think He won’t notice.
But He does. He doesn’t tell you at first. But then you see it. You see things starting to fade away and now you can’t touch what you earned. Everything you worked towards crumbles in your hands like dust, and for a little bit you think you can put it back together by yourself. But then you breathe too hard and it all blows away.
And you sit and wonder what you did wrong until you realize you forgot about Him. And you know He’s watching you. And you wilt beneath His gaze and ask for forgiveness on your hands and knees. And when your head touches the ground you forget that He’s having a conversation with billions of other people right now too. Because you feel Him, and you know with every last bit of your soul that He is listening to you. And it feels like its just you, and Him, and He’s happy that you’re back. And you’re happy that you’re back.
And you can kinda see it now. After so long, you can see He has something better for you. And you promise yourself you’re going to stay this time.
(Gahhhhh this is what i wrote at 4am instead of studying for my philosophy test. Pray for me, yall.)