My Awkwardness · Real talk

Progress (?)

I finally graduated college. Alhamdulillah.

For a long time there it felt like it would never end. But now it’s over. Still, I can’t quite shake this feeling like I’m forgetting something. It feels like I have some assignment due that I’m forgetting about. Maybe it’s the subconscious acknowledgement of unemployment. I see everyone around me struggling to get good jobs and I’m caught between wanting to take some much-needed time off and wanting to apply to all the good jobs before they get filled.

I was having coffee with one of my friends last week and while I was complaining about a job posting I missed the deadline for, she reminded me “Everything happens for a reason, and will happen when it’s supposed to happen.” My mom keeps telling me that, too. I keep getting frustrated because I took an extra three semesters to graduate. It always made me feel so behind everyone else. No job, no degree, no anything. And everyone else was moving on with their lives. And I felt so stuck.

Well, now I finally caught up and I have absolutely no idea where to go from here.

I mean, obviously my next move is to get a job, but that’s kind of terrifying, if I’m being honest. I’ve spent the last 18 years of my life in school. I don’t know anything else. And I’ve never had a real job. Sure, I’ve done freelance work here and there, but nothing like a 9 to 5.

School doesn’t prepare you for anything. They didn’t teach me how to get a job, or do an interview, or pay taxes. My journalism teacher said getting a college degree isn’t about learning anything, it’s about proving that you can put up with all the BS and pressure and meet all your deadlines. He’s right. I didn’t learn anything in college that I couldn’t just google. Certainly not anything worth the $40,000 in debt.

But anyway, I’ve found a lot of jobs I’d like and have most of the qualifications for, but I’m too scared to hit “APPLY” just yet. I had a hard time going from middle school to high school. And then from high school to college. How the heck am I supposed just jump into the real world and get a job? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m the type of person who likes to know exactly what they’re getting into before they move on.

The annoying thing is, from this point on, literally anything can happen. I don’t know what’s next. When I was seventeen I planned out my whole life. I had goals for when I’d graduate college, what I’d major in, when I would get married, and when I would have kids. And let me tell you something, I did not meet any of those goals LOL. Now I have no plan and no sense of direction.

And it’s just a little awkward to go out for coffee with my friends when they bring along their boyfriends, or talk about their jobs, or their plans to get engaged, or go to grad school. Meanwhile I’m in the corner sipping hot chocolate and thinking about which cartoon I’m going to watch when I get home. I guess I just don’t feel like an adult – Which is a ridiculous thing to say because I’m 23 years old and have legally been an adult for 5 years. Ew.

Well anyway, it’s been two weeks since school ended and I’m already feeling a little lost.

Moral of the story: Now that I’m unemployed I really need to find a new hobby.

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