Real talk

Spring Cleaning

I just cleared out my closet of all my old clothes that I don’t wear anymore. I’ll be honest, I cringed at a few of the fashion choices I thought I could pull off over the years. It’s been a while since I did a really good clean-out, and I ended up getting rid a lot of stuff from my freshman year of college.

My personal style has slowly evolved over the past five or six years. I’ve tried to be everything from tomboy to edgy, to preppy, to…whatever the heck I am now. I’ve never been good with clothes. I’m still trying to figure out what my style is. More specifically, I’m trying to reconcile my very eclectic taste in clothing with more realistic expectations of what looks good on me. It’s a work-in-progress.

A little while ago I went through all my drawers and piles of trinkets that I’d been hoarding over the years and threw a lot of it out. I spent years collecting stuffed animals and had accumulated a few dozen that were taking up space and gathering dust. I threw them in a bag and sent them off to Goodwill without batting an eye. Of course I kept the few that had sentimental value, but the majority of them have hopefully found a happy home with a little boy or girl who wipes their boogers on it and drags it through the mud. But at least their getting more use out of it than I ever did.

I hoard treasures like a greedy dragon. And by treasures I mean junk. I’ve kept a lot of things for their sentimental value. And then at some point, certain things, people, and events in my life were no longer worth remembering. But I kept everything anyway.  There were a few pieces in particular that kept haunting me: an article of clothing from a former friend, half of a friendship necklace set that I would shove into a drawer angrily and then stumble upon while looking for my socks. 

I’m not entirely sure why I held on to those things for as long as I did. I think part of me wanted it to be a reminder to myself of the mistakes I made in that friendship. Another part of me thought I owed it to myself to keep them. Can’t I keep something just for the memories? Why should I let these things be ruined, just because they were gifts from someone I don’t talk to anymore? I can separate the person from the inanimate object, can’t I?

No. I couldn’t. I can’t. So I threw the necklace in the trash, along with the clothing. I was disappointed in myself for keeping them, and I was disappointed in myself for caring so much I couldn’t bear to keep them any longer.

I’m trying to get to a place where I’m not bothered by people in my life coming and going. I don’t want to take everything so personally. Being hung up on relationships that ended years ago kinda seems like more of a supervillain backstory than a personality trait of a functional adult woman.

Moral of the story: Spring cleaning is as much about your mind than it is about your closet.

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